Little spoons don't ask big questions
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
