That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
