True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
pray to the hookup gods
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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