sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
don't judge my taste in strippers
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
