Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
