It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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