You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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