no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The beer is more important than you right now.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
