You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I forgot how hot balto sounded
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
