I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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