dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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