Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You pole danced in your parka.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
