Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
