I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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