So drunk, too bad you don't want this
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
