he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
