pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
this hospital has no fireball
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
