i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
