I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
