You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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