I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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