Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
operation have a gay friend backfired
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
