i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
