I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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