Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
