I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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