I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
