oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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