She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
