That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize