My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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