dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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