Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
