Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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