VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i used baking grease as lip gloss
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
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