Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
