Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
