Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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