Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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