Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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