I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
