i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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