My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
