God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
