I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I lost the right to judge tonight
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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