Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
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