I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
