Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
