where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
