You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
