we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
