ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
