I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
