Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
