You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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