We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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