I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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