Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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