i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
