Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
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My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
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i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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