Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
