Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
