She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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